Tuesday, June 15, 2010
the day has arrived...
that we've been awaiting for such a long time. last night i may have freaked out a little bit. i'm just sayin'...it's hard to wrap my mind around this tight rope walk of faith and fear. but i find that i'm learning the same thing as before. it's all a choice. and i think last night i needed to be scared so that i could be okay today.
to be honest, i'm pretty sure the anesthesiologist thinks i'm a heartless, emotionless shell of a woman :) when they took weston away, i just gave him a kiss and told him goodbye. i didn't have any tears left. and i wasn't scared. i knew that what's happening is to help little man and it's necessary for him to get better. even as the surgeon took us into that tiny room to explain the procedure and disclose the risks, i just nodded and smiled. i didn't have any questions. i've gone over and over in my head 10,000 times what is wrong with his heart, what they'll do to fix it, and all the unimaginable possibilities of what could happen.
so i'm not scared. i don't know what will happen. but this peace that overtakes me whenever i walk into this hospital is the most real thing i've felt in a long time.
Posted by Callie Canlas at 8:19 AM