Friday, February 12, 2010

waiting...


so before i finish this bag of kettle corn all by myself, i think it's time to start decluttering my mind and my heart.

waiting in the PICU is a strange thing. it's GREAT in the sense that things are staying the same or if you're lucky, they're getting better. but now i find my mind wandering and asking myself questions that i don't know the answers to.

because sometimes there are miracles and sometimes there are not.

i already know that "WHY?" is the least productive question on the planet. so i'm not even touching it.

it's all so relative here...low flow, high flow, intubation, life support, brain activity, oxygen saturations, spontaneous breathing trials...but one thing is the same. the faces of parents with a kid in this hospital. we smile knowingly as we pass in the halls, silently communicating that we're sorry, we know what you're going through, hang in there...

and nobody's sorrow is really deeper than anyone else's because it is theirs. it's all they know. and it's hard.

and all these prayers? how is it that verbally expressing our desires and well wishes to our Maker in behalf of loved ones and even strangers REALLY makes a difference? all i know is that it does. we can FEEL your prayers. sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes it's overwhelming and keeps me hanging on.

and what about those who are doing this alone? who don't have their families, neighborhoods, and virtual friends rooting for them? i thought about them on sunday before this all happened. i wanted to let them know, whoever and wherever they are, that i think about them alot. alot more now that we're here.

i know we're lucky.
i know my kids are happy and having the time of their lives with aunties and cupcakes and sleepovers.
i know these people doing their jobs in this hospital are the best of the best.
i know sometime (i don't know when) i'll look back and i'll have learned something priceless.
i KNOW God is patient in my times of weakness.
and i know He already knows everything i'm trying to sort out.

and remembering all of this is when the peace comes. peace is more potent than understanding. peace is more powerful than my own weakness. peace obliterates the fear.

14 comments:

  1. Adorable photo!

    Hang in that peace, Callie.

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  2. Hang in there. Its hard but you can do it.

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  3. as i was up last night with a sick baby, my mind kept wandering across the valley...to weston. my prayers unceasingly in my heart for you guys...and especially for him.

    you can do hard things. you were made tough for this.

    loves...again, here if you need anything.

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  4. so profound, and simple, and beautiful, and perfect just.like.you.

    I love you Callie.

    Our house is just one big fat prayer after another. CONSTANTLY.

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  5. our prayers for you.

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  6. I don't know you but followed the link through Natalie. I know exactly what you're saying when you wrote about passing other moms in the hallways. We've been admitted to Primarys 3 times since October. I'm prayong for your sweet boy and the rest of your family. Love to you.

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  7. Found you through Natalie - I am praying for your family and Weston.

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  8. tender tears on my face... I'm wishing you peace

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  9. Praying for your family and Weston..

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  10. So profound, thoughtful and touching. We are praying constantly for your little boy. May your spirits be lifted.

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  11. I think Weston can feel your peace too. He's a fighter and knows you're there for him.

    Love you!

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  12. Callie, can I just say how much of an inspiration you are to me and the rest of the Young Women? You are absolutely incredible and I can't get over how much I truly love you. You are amazing. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are courageous. You are sweet. You are so filled with love. You are everything that I wish I could be. You are such a courageous woman, and you are so strong throughout all of this heartache. Callie, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying daily for you and your family. I know that through these hard times is when the Lord truly makes us stronger. I know that whatever happens, the Lord has a plan and he will take care of you and your family. Strong is the only word that comes to my mind when I think of you and your family. Through all of this I have never ceased to see a smily upon your face when you walk in to a room. You have the glow of the gospel that shines from everywhere you are. I love you so dearly, and if there is anything I can do to help, don't hesitate to call me. I can do anything that you need;) Stay strong beautiful woman, and the Lord will be there for you:).

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  13. Brooks, you made my day. Love you girl :)

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