Wednesday, October 28, 2009

it just hit me...

this post was NOT written to solicit compliments. i don't want them :)
i just needed to write this down in case i forget it later.

5 kiddos in 7 years (one of those pregnancies being twinners) equals 3.08 years of being pregnant...160 weeks....40 months....1120 days of being pregnant. sheesh! i think i'm going to cut myself a little slack when it comes to the whole "how i think about my body" thing.

i used to wish that i was one of those women whose body literally bounced back after growing a baby inside of her. but in the last couple of days i've become okay with the fact that i'm not. seeing some recent pictures of myself made me realize i don't really look like i thought i did...but i'm pretty sure that happens to most of us, right?

but another thing happened in seeing those pictures. i noticed something else that was different than i thought it was. i've never seen myself so a good, comfortable, deep and abiding kind of happy.

and to be honest it really hasn't always been that way...and not that i ever had any real problems with depression or anything, but it took me a bit longer than most to figure out the whole lasting happiness thing...uganda, the mission, and jon all had A LOT to do with finally getting that down.

and now i realize that these 5 little munchkins are kind of like the cherry on top. something about the hardness and the happiness that is the five canlas kiddos took my self consciousness away and i know, not feel, but i know that what i look like doesn't really matter like i thought it did.

i mean i know i have pounds i need to shed to be healthier, but in the past few days it's become clear to me that loosing those pounds won't necessarily make me happier. i'm happy now. the end.


  1. I love you. I think you're awesome, and I want to be just like you. Is that okay?

  2. i really needed to read this. thanks!


  3. i really loved that! you put my thoughts into words :) you are a very inspiring woman. xoxo

  4. "i'm happy now. the end."

    Well said!

  5. Have you read this?
    I've been thinking some of the same things (sans two kiddos) lately. This body is AMAZING!
    Love you and really look up to you...and that's NOT a compliment (OK so maybe it is...whattaya gonna do...huh?)!;)

  6. You're amazing. The end

  7. as said above, I needed to read this... I have no kiddos and I needed this more than you know. I sure do appreciate your wisdom.

  8. hey i would love to do your hair! email me at or call me at 801.808.4060.

  9. It is amazing that we all come to this wisdom that Heavenly Father blesses us with as we have our chidlren. Or even as we age and do not have children. I have always thought of women, when I was young, as wisened or seasoned and wondered how they got that way. I know now. Thanks for sharing your new found wisdom and for just being you. I love you and think you are an awesome mom. Lola(not jasmine)