Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Only when I have to be...
I've realized something as of late (besides the fact I still need to post pictures)...I can totally be supermom. And I'm not trying to sound cocky here...we all know this blog is probably where my honesty presents itself most often...so no self-involvement here, just candid honesty. (And this is NOT a solicitation for compliments either.)
It hit me today as I was heading home from Lulu's 9 month appointment, during which Chrissie had saved my booty and met me at the doctor's office to sit with the other kiddos in the waiting room while I was in the back with Lulu. Afterwards, we all made it into the car and got everyone buckled, with Johnny quatro as well (his mommy is becoming a master) and we started heading home. I realized in the bathroom of McDonald's as I was filling up bottles for babies and Isaac was using the bathroom that I was totally pulling a supermom today. I'd woken up up at 7:00, taken a shower before kids woke up, got kids breakfast, got kids dressed, and was out the door by 8:22 (my goal was 8:30) so when I realized on the freeway I had forgotten my purse, I had time to go back home and get it and I was still 5 minutes early for the appointment. And I was using the "happy mom" voice the whole morning...and it was genuine...completely effortless.
And to top this all off, Jon's been out of town since Sunday and gets back tonight and Sharon's out of town until April. It's almost like I don't do all this stuff until I'm backed into a corner and have no other option besides curling up in the fetal position, sucking my thumb, and rocking back and forth. I was like this too when I was prego with the twinners. Chrissie mentioned this a couple of nights ago...I just kept going and going and doing and doing.
Perhaps this is the start of what real adulthood and motherhood really entails. I always get so nervous and depressed before Jon goes out of town and I'm always looking for things, people, or whatever to fill the time with all the kids alone. And everyone, especially our beloved Uncle Beal, is always so willing and kind to hang out and help out...even when she's on the verge of bronchitis.
I guess I've just been trying to protect myself from what I'm scared of most...actually sitting down and playing with and being with all four of my kids all alone. But today taught me what I really am capable of...and I can do it well and it brought me joy. I guess my fear has been keeping me from doing what's best for my kids AND for me.
So this post ended up being longer than I'd anticipated, but I needed it. So here's to confronting our fears and realizing that I'm good at this thing called motherhood.
Posted by Callie Canlas at 9:55 AM