Tuesday, June 04, 2013

back again...

i can't remember the last time i blogged. and it's probably the last thing i should be doing...but i needed to capture a moment and be able to have it later on. don't know why.

i've come to realized each of our children was sent to our family, to me, to contribute certain things. i'm talking lessons to learn, blessings to receive, so on and so forth.

Isaac gave me the gift of motherhood. he is our first. he will always be the first one of our children to experience those sequential things of growing up...preschool, lost teeth, reading a book, graduations. although ila and ruby did learn how to ride a bike first and to tie their shoes, but i digress. i get to learn how to mother another life because of him.

Ila is a mirror into my soul. she is me. in so many ways i can be more empathetic with her experiences because we feel the same way about things. i'm hoping this is an asset when she reaches those teenage years.

Ruby...oh Ruby Lou. she gives me the gift of love every day. if you've ever had a Ruby hug, it's one you'll never forget. she has so much love to give and so much room to receive it.

Lulu gives me the gift of light everyday. her soul is a happy one. she teaches me how to have fun and that being oneself is the greatest gift you can give the world.

Weston teaches me that everyday is a gift. i learned that i took our children and their health for granted. we treasure our children more because of him.

but today I'm really writing because of Kalani. i feel the need to document this now so that our other children know that i'm not playing favorites later down the road.

God sent me this child to feel appreciated. children don't know or understand the entirety of what their parents do until they have children of their own. and i get that. but it doesn't make the hard work of parenting easier. some days are great. some days are not. so God sent Kalani to me so that i would always feel His love.

case in point...i was up late rocking Kalani back to sleep when he was just a few months old. he's our sixth child, so i wasn't new to late nights or long nights for that matter. i'm not the kind of mother that always enjoys babies and toddlers. they are hard for me. i feel much better equipped to mother 5-10 year olds (that's the oldest we have now so we'll see how the later years go).

so i was rocking this infant and really only half awake when this surge of gratitude ran through my body. i can't explain it other than i knew in that moment that Kalani's spirit was grateful for my sacrifice of getting up in the middle of the night to rock him back to sleep. i knew it as surely as if he has opened his mouth to say, "wow mom. you're the best. thank you so much for giving up your sleep to take care of me."

and i'll never forget it. that moment still sustains me through difficult times.

today he is still not two years old...just about 20 months. he doensn't have many words and just babbles most of the time.


when i give him food. when i give him a toy. when i put him to bed...

he always says thank you.

so Kalani has taught me the importance of gratitude. this little man child, with so few words, can still express the gratitude that can turn my hardest days around.

thank you so much baby boy. mama loves you.

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